Recently I heard a rather amusing joke. Like most jokes however it probably won’t be as funny if you are reading it, but maybe you can tell it to a friend or something. Anyways, a man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a while the giraffe passes out and falls on the flour. Then, as the man gets up to leave the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t leave that lying there.” So the man says, “It isn’t a lion it’s a giraffe.”
(Cue laugh track)
Remember that new plant in the park? Well there’s no need to worry it was just a false alarm. It was not actually a parasite or the fruit from the tree. It was a BIRD! Yep, it was a weird bird. I know because during the last thunderstorm it jumped out the tree and flew off to find a new home. If you wonder what kind of bird that was, it was the elusive plastic triangle bird. And I thought they were extinct.
Recently I found some strange new plant species growing in the park. I am not sure what it is yet, but I am currently gathering data on it to try to ascertain it’s origin. It is a yellowish color, and has rigid, somewhat triangular shape. It’s possible it is the fruiting body of the plant, however I am afraid it might be a fungal parasite. If anyone one has any idea what this thing might be, please contact me immediately! I would definitely not want this unsightly plant spreading.
A Cautionary Tale About Trying to Hard to be Fair
(In the style of Aesop’s Fables)
Once there were three distinguished gentlemen eating five evenly sized pastries. After each man had had one there were still two left. Not wishing to be rude, nor really wanting to exclude themselves from the treat, they decided to cut them all in half. After having once again eaten their fair share there still one half left. This they split in four equal pieces. Then the eighth that was left was divided in fourths, and so on, and so on, until there was only a molecule left. This they divided so that there was only an atom left. Which they split. Unfortunately the resulting atomic explosion killed them all.
You know I try really hard to make this blog, both interesting and amusing. The problem is some days nothing of substance happens. Then I have to try to think of something put on the blog which ultimately becomes, I’m just going to say it, insane gibberish. It’s a small problem for me. So I just wanted to say, so I have it on record, I am not an insane person. Then again that’s what crazy person would say…
You know sometimes I wonder, who ever thought of things like juggling? What person decided to throw multiple objects in the air and catch them? Sure it’s cool and all, but who got the idea? Most likely a farmer I think, since they would be playing with a lot of round fruit anyway. I guess handstands would be done to show off, but you’d think you would fall on you’re face a lot. And sword swallowing? Sure the guy who thought of that was REALLY intelligent.
I love you as much as water loves the sun,
I love you as much as old men love to run,
I love you as much as a baby not eating,
I love you as much as a baby when teething,
I love you as much as cats love dogs,
I love you as much as people love hogs,
In short, I hate you.
Never speak to me again,
At least until I am one-hundred and ten.
A poem for someone who won’t leave you alone.
So there were two guys who went out hiking together. One of them fell, and was unresponsive so the other guy called 911. My friend fell down and I can’t get him to wake up, the guy said, I think he might be dead. Okay, said the 911 operator, first you need to make sure he is dead. Then there was a pause, and then a gunshot. then the guy said, Okay, what now?