It’s Saturday! Do you know what that means? We are going to clean the van and the convertible. Yaaaayyyyy, wait what?
So today we got a brand new bike. It has great wheels, it corners like a dream, it brakes great, and the shifters are amazing. All around a great performance bike. And the best part is it was completely free! Yep it was by the neighbor’s curbed so we went out and grabbed it. Stephen really thought something would be wrong with it, like the tires being deflated, or the chain being broken, but nope it was all good and ready to ride. Hence Nicholas thinks it might be cursed. A perfect bike and they’re just getting rid of it. Yeah right.
As the Armadillo turned and walked away from his aged advisor, a passerby, confused by the Armadillo’s outlandish garb asked the old bunny, “Who was that Armadillo? Where did he come from?”.
“Why, said MyBunny, how could you not know? That is the Armadillo of Legends! He comes from a village far away, and his tale is not a happy one.
He used to live quite happily in his own village. They had food, water, and shelter. They were overall a prosperous town and more importantly a joyous one. They had the sun shine by day and the moonglow by night, the birds sang ceaselessly while the flowers bloomed. Sadly, nothing lasts forever. Eventually, tales of their good fortune spread reaching the ears of those who are most greedy, one of these was the dreaded Rainbow Dragon.
The Rainbow Dragon, bloated with greed, ever hungry for gold and power, descended on the town with all his flame and fury leaving nothing left, but a the charred remains of this once happy village.
Now the Armadillo wanders in search of this flaming terror, righting wrongs as he comes upon them, growing ever stronger and more experienced.Gaining power and wisdom until he can finally confront and vanquish his foe.
That is the tale of the Armadillo of Legends”.
“Wait, so everyone in his village just died?”
“No! Hearing that the Rainbow Dragon was coming, they packed their stuff and moved. They live in a nearby village”
“So how do you know all this?” the passerby quizzically queried.
“Looked it up on the internet. I mean! Because I’m so wise and all that stuff…”
Recently I heard a rather amusing joke. Like most jokes however it probably won’t be as funny if you are reading it, but maybe you can tell it to a friend or something. Anyways, a man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a while the giraffe passes out and falls on the flour. Then, as the man gets up to leave the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t leave that lying there.” So the man says, “It isn’t a lion it’s a giraffe.”
(Cue laugh track)
So I was thinking about the Witch Doctor song (it’s a great song, I pity those who haven’t heard it), and it occurred to me why would this guy start by talking to a WITCH doctor. I mean seriously, that just sounds like a recipe for disaster. This is the one time someone with witch in their name has actually given sound advice. Lets just look at Hansel and Gretel. Climb into the oven she said, sure that sounds like a GREAT idea. Don’t misunderstand me, I really like the song, I just think the idea of asking a Witch Doctor for advice is not a good life model.
Polar Bear is awesome!!! So is Doggy!!! Tiny Polar Bear says Hi!!! Polar Bear likes writing. Umm… Anyone else wan’ to say something? What. I know you’ll take over the world, you say that a lot. What do mean Elephant? You think this is a waste of time? Seriosly though anyone else want to say somthing? No? Oh, you think I shold stop writing everythang I say? Okay makes sense. I’ll stop writting now…I did stop, oh, oh no wait I didn’t. I’m going to…right now…right now. Bye evryone out there.
Today the Longbow News Service would like to welcome our new journalist department. Polar Bear: main writer. Doggy: editor/writer. Elephant: department manger. Baron Fox: world conqueror. Tiny Polar Bear (aka. Steel): cuddly mascot. When asked about his new position Polar Bear had this to say: “Writing isn’t so hard… Spelling words good is half the battle”.
Baron Fox had a slightly different opinion: “I WILL RULE THE COSMOS WITH AN IRON FIST!”.
Tiny Polar Bear was just happy to be there: “Yay, now I have a real job.”
Suffice to say they are all very happy to help. Their first article will come out tomorrow.
So today while we were eating lunch, Veronica was reading the expiration dates on the backs of the condiments. And in a sudden moment of thoughtfulness Veronica looked up and said, “I think if they have the day that it expires they should have the time it expires too”. So Mom and Dad explained to Veronica that the people who write the expiration dates don’t know the exact time that it expires. Besides if the expiration date were that specific I would be worried that if I ate the food a minute before it expired, that it would expire in my stomach. That being said I think this post belongs in the philosophy category.
The Armadillo of Legends: A Shadow on the Horizon
The Armadillo stood on guard, but did not draw his sword. The rabbit didn’t look very threatening. “Excuse me, said the old bunny, I did not mean to startle you. Of course in your line of work you must be jumpy. My name is MyBunny. N. MyBunny.”
The bunny voice was not old and weak as one might have expected but was in fact, rather like a child talking in an assumed voice to make it sound older and different. The result was very humorous. The Armadillo’s eyes narrowed and the bunny continued, “As I was saying, I came to ask you to save the Princess Mary, who has been kidnapped by the Barons of Evil. I’m not sure yet what they want, but they are rapidly becoming the most evil group in the world. Will you help me?”
The Armadillo nodded in assent. “Excellent. I am afraid you will have to do most of the adventuring yourself, as I am not as young as I once was. I can however offer you some advice. They don’t call me The Wise Bunny for nothing… Well I guess no one actually calls me that but… Never mind. You will have to travel far to find where the Princess is hidden: across the Land of the Living, through the Valley of Din, down the Unending Way of Hall, and finally to the Blue Ruins if you wish to find the Princess.
Know this: the Fox is the leader of the Barons of Evil, and is smarter than all the animals put together. The Black Bear is strong enough to rip through cement walls. And the Racoon is a sharpshooter, master assassin. Together these three are the Barons of Evil; and they are unbeatable. Farewell, and good luck.”
The Armadillo turns and leaves to face this new challenge, to fight an unbeatable team of evil and save a princess he has never met. As he walks away the sun sets in blaze of scarlet and crimson reminding him of his quest for his arch nemesis, a quest he must lay aside till he has saved the Princess Mary.
Who is his arch nemesis? Can he defeat the Barons of Evil?? What do the Barons of Evil even want??? Don’t miss the next thrilling installment of “The Armadillo of Legends”!