Category: Stupid

Polar Opposites

So, this evening while we were doing the dishes, we were discussing the North and South poles, and Stephen pointed out something rather amusing. The phrase Polar Opposites means that two things are very different, but the poles are two of the most identical places on earth! They both have a sunless winter, and they have similar housing conditions, because no one wants to live there because it’s freezing!

Is It Christmas Yet?

As we get nearer to Christmas I realize there are some problems with living Florida. What I mean is in Ohio it was always very easy to tell when it was getting close to Christmas because, well, it would start to snow. Now I have to wait for the radio to start playing Christmas music to know when it’s nearing Christmas, which can get kinda tricky. I guess I could use a calendar, but really where’s the fun in that?

Santa in a Candle!

Happy Gaudete Sunday everyone. Gaudete Sunday is the third Sunday of advent and is a day of celebration (unlike all those other feast days in advent…).

Today is the day we celebrate the nearness of Christmas. Today is the day that everyone wears pink (except Stephen), to show how happy they are. So, to celebrate this day I want to share with everyone one of our new favorite Christmas decorations. Santa in a candle!img_3526I think this could become a great new Christmas tradition like elf on a shelf, except Santa can’t move cause he’s stuck in a candle! Don’t ask me how he got there, because I don’t know. All I know is we were burning the candle, so the wax was all liquid, and somebody (Stephen or Nicholas) stuck Santa in the wax. Now Santa is trapped in the hardened wax. We could light the candle, melt the wax, and pull the jolly fat man out, or just burn the candle until Santa is free, but then we would lose this great decoration.

Power Ranger Pens.

Some people collect rocks,coins,stamps,and bottle caps. I collect pens, but not just any pens, I collect pens with attitude. You know, like teenagers with attitudes. I collect Power Ranger Pens.20161209_171840

There are two teams of Power Ranger Pens,the three

shiny ones and 20161209_171849

the six matte ones.20161209_171856

Now I know there is not a yellow ranger pen, but I have not seen a yellow one yet.

He’s a Mutie!!!!

So we all know about the X-men comics and how most of the normal people in them for some insane reason want to kill the X-men and all other mutants (but not other superheroes…weird). Furthermore, everyone in this weird universe assumes any abnormality is due to being a mutant (and they’re usually right!).  In light of this, I think if I were in the X-men universe I would probably get run out of town on a rail!

No, unfortunately I cannot shoot lasers out of my eyes and I am not invulnerable, I do not have metal claws and I am not covered in hair…well I guess I am, but only in the normal way (we’re all mammals right?), but I do have a couple of oddities. For instance, my left eye lid droops significantly, my right collar bone is bigger than my left, most of my bones have a point on them, my jaw was too small so all my teeth came in VERY badly (Mom had them fixed, but I kind of looked like a shark), and my lower jaw cannot extend past my upper jaw.

Now if normal humans in the X-men universe ever noticed even one of these traits they would raise a hue and cry and chase me from the town… or just kill me.  Now some people might rise to these citizen’s defense claiming they only attack people who are clearly mutants, but I am not exaggerating.  I read an eighties Marvel comic where a preteen boy threw one of his classmates.  Said classmate jumped to the natural conclusion that the boy who threw him must be a mutant (he wasn’t) so he got a pistol to shoot the boy.  Now I don’t know about you, but people threw me when I was a kid and it never even crossed my mind that they could have superpowers, but maybe I was wrong, maybe I’m the crazy one, maybe Phillip really is a mutant…

My College Diet Plan

Today I had a big test in Machine Learning (it’s a class about computer algorithms).  The test was 25% of my grade so I studied hard, on an unrelated note there will be no new comic this week (just kidding).  When the test was over I left feeling very good about it.  I thought, “I’ll get a snack from the food court to celebrate.”

With junk food in mind I pulled out my wallet counted my money and calculated how many tanks of gas I could buy before I was flat again.  I then put my wallet back in my pocket and ate a delicious lunch of pulled pork at home.

That’s right my fad diet is simple, be broke.

Now the skeptical reader may think, “but I have a steady job with money in the bank,  I have money to spend.”

So do I.  I have income, I have savings, but that doesn’t mean I want to blow it on junk food.  More accurately I want to, but I can’t bring myself to.

I encourage you to follow the same procedure I do, before you buy food.  Calculate your income and your expected expense.  Be sure to include things like regular food, gas money, oil money, room and board, laundry detergent, dish soap, and other necessities.  Once you know your income vs. expenses you should see if you have enough in reserve for emergencies.  This amount will vary directly with your responsibilities (if you have more people depending on you you’ll want more money).  Next look ahead, do you have money for Christmas gifts?  What about birthdays?  Do you own a car? a house?  Do you want to?  What if something happens to your home or car, can you replace them? What about books, phones and laptops?  Are you married if not how much money do you want in the bank when you get married, if so better plan for another dependent.

If after all this you still feel like you can afford an unnecessary snack, donate to charity, you have way too much money.

Bragging Rights!

Hey everyone, it’s December fourth! You know what that means. I can now officially brag about my birthday! Now, this may seem like an odd thing to say, but there is actually a rule in our house about when you can start bragging about your birthday. The reason for this is, apparently when my older brothers were little they would start to brag to their brothers, (and Mom) about their birthdays at least three months in advance. So, Mom made a rule that you had to wait till it was a month away from your birthday to start talking about it. That being said… It’s a month away from my birthday, it’s a month away from my birthday, it’s a month away from my birthday. Okay, now I’m done.