This is one of the stories I wrote.
How a Man Became King of Nothing
Once, long ago in a faraway kingdom there lived a lovely princess. She lived locked up in the topmost tower of the castle and was kept there by her evil stepmother who said the man who could complete the three tasks assigned him could marry her beautiful daughter and get the mother’s kingdom as well. Many a young had failed the tasks were never heard from again. One day a bright young man decided to try his luck at the tasks. When he arrived at the castle, he was greeted by the princess’s mother. “Aha, she said, you are young and strong and may try my tasks. The first task is…” The man cut her off, “So is she your real daughter, or did you kidnap her when she was a child?” The lady looked at him and said, “Buddy I’m a witch, generally that means I kidnaped my beautiful daughter. I mean, who would marry me, I have a wart on my nose the size of a small village. Now to continue, your first task is to bring me my ring that I lost in the Lake of Rings, before sunset tomorrow.” “Sounds easy enough, said the Man, but you will of course need to tell me what it looks like if you want me to find it amongst all the other rings in the lake.” The witch readily agreed and explained it to him in great detail while he wrote down everything she said in a little notebook. He then took the notebook to the blacksmith in the neighboring kingdom and had him forge the ring according to the instructions in the notebook. This being done, he took the ring to the witch. The Witch looked surprised and said to herself, “Strange, I made there were no injured fish and only alligators in that lake. Oh well, at least I got this great ring back. For your next task you must eat twelve thousand oxen down to their last hair on their hoof, you must eat twelve thousand baskets of cheese down to the last crumb, and you must drink twelve thousand barrels of wine down to the last drop before sunset tomorrow.” Can I bring a guest?” asked the Man. “Oh sure, that’s never backfired on anyone before,” said the witch. So the Man went off in search of a suitable dinner companion. While he was walking he saw a large man sleeping on the street. He looked at the big man for a moment and then addressed him, saying, “Say you’re a fat guy you look like you can eat a lot, you want to help me eat all of the witch’s food tonight?” “No, said the fat man, I’m on a diet, whenever I start eating, I can’t stop.” “That’s alright, said the Man, there will be plenty of food.” “Okay,” said the fat man. So that night the Man and the fat guy sat in the witch’s castle and the fat guy devoured all the oxen down to the last hair from its hoof. Then the cheese was brought in and set before them on the table. The fat man cried out, “I’ll find room for that too.” and devoured the cheese down to the last crumb. Finally the wine was brought in. As they brought in the wine the fat guy cried out again, “I’ll find room for that too.” and drank the wine down to the last drop. As he finished the witch came in and said, “Ah, I see you have complete my second task, for your third task…” As she came in the fat guy looked up from a goblet of wine he had just finished and said, “I’ll find room for that too.” and devoured the witch. At this Man, fearing for his life, grabbed the princess and jumped out the window. The fat guy then proceeded to eat the castle starting at the top and working his way down to the floor. When he had eaten the floor he started to eat the ground, which was of course disgusting. He looked around to try and find something to get rid of the awful taste in his mouth and catching sight of his big toe grabbed it, ate himself, and had just enough time to say, “My what a delicious appetizer.” before he disappeared into nothingness. The Man of course married the beautiful princess, but the fat guy had eaten the whole kingdom. And that is how a man became king of nothing.
The End
